


Nothing Ever Stays this Good

by oddgit



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Cancer Arc, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Hospitals, Kissing, M/M, Recovery, Surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-07 13:58:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7717483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddgit/pseuds/oddgit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"“I know John. You’re going to be fine, just hang on a little longer.” John’s eyes closed and his body went almost limp. Harold started to shake him “John?? John please wake up!” Harold started to feel water run down his face. “Wha… what is…” he asked himself before he realized that the water was his own tears. “You promised John!” he yelled still shaking his shoulders trying to get him to wake up, but all he got in response was John’s head falling limp against his stomach." </p><p>Well, I had this idea where Reese gets sick and stuff so I just started writing it one day. I wanted to do something different than the usual stories on here so this is what I came up with! Not sure how many chapters it's going to end up with but yeah. Lol hope you enjoy! Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated! </p><p>Special Thanks to M_E_Lover for beta'ing it! She's also kind of a second author for it.</p><p>UPDATE: IT IS FINISHED! :) Thanks for all the positive feedback! I was hesitant to write this one at first so I really appreciate all the support!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Night it all happened

John and Harold were wrapping up a number and heading back to their place. The numbers had been fairly simple lately. Even though the loss of Root still stung, they had no CIA or FBI operatives to worry about, no Samaritan anymore and Shaw was back on the team so it took some of the load off Reese’s shoulders and Detective Carter and Fusco were still helping too. It all seemed… too easy. Harold just had an uneasy feeling that something was going to happen. Something was going to ruin the good thing they had going. Nothing they had ever done had stayed like this.

#

“Mr. Reese what are you doing in there?” Harold tried to open the bathroom door hearing Reese coughing, but he kicked it shut.

“Nothing Finch. I’ll be right out.” He turned the faucet on and then shut it off and opened the door.

“Are you…” Finch could see Reese was sweating and his eyes were red and swollen, “You were in there for a while… are you okay?”

“Yeah Finch, I’m fine.” Reese smiled and nodded as he walked away.

#

Ever since that day Finch heard Reese in the bathroom, he started watching him like a hawk. He started to notice little things. Like Reese getting tired more than the usual. He couldn’t catch up to people running away and he looked like he was starting to lose weight. He just wasn’t his usual John Reese self. He also spent quite a lot of time in the bathroom. Once Harold started to notice all these things, he had wondered how long they had been going on. It couldn’t have been going on for too long, if it had…how could he have missed it? He wanted to ask Reese about it but knew if he did he would just avoid it with that Reese smile and play it off like it was nothing. 

#

Harold awoke to the sound of his and John’s bedroom door closing. He was still half asleep and thought maybe John was just going to the bathroom or getting a drink. Until he heard…

“Harold!” he could tell Reese was in the bathroom and something was obviously wrong. He lunged up out of bed, ignoring the pain that shot up in his neck and ran as fast as his limp would allow him down the hall and into the bathroom. He whipped open the door to see Reese grasping onto the counter to hold himself up and blood splattered all over in the sink. His heart sank into his stomach as Reese turned to look at him and Harold gasped at his blood soaked mouth and bloodshot eyes. 

“John!?! What happened!?!”

All John could get out was “H…Harold something’s wrong.” He started to cough again and more blood splashed into the sink. Harold had grabbed his phone on the way to the bathroom so when he saw John, he immediately phoned for Shaw.

“Ms. Shaw we need you at our place. Please hurry. Something is terribly wrong with John.” He hung up the phone as he knew Shaw was probably already out the door.

“John we need….” Harold was in shock from how much blood John had spit into the sink, and the scary amount that was dripping down his chin. “We have to get you to a hospital.” Harold was trembling as he tried to grab John. He had helped John so many times before this when he was hurt, but this just seemed different. John hadn't been shot or beaten up... It was the fact that Harold had no idea what was wrong that was scaring him. 

“No. No….” It was getting harder for John to breathe, his chest aching and the room was starting to spin “No…. Hospitals…. Harold… Please.” John breathed.

Harold could hear the desperation in his voice. He even thought about giving into him for a minute until John lost his balance and fell to the floor hardly able to breathe.

“No John we have to go now. I’m taking you to the hospital.” Harold reached for John’s arm and helped him up. “Breathe John… please… Just keep breathing.” Harold whispered to John as he helped him down the steps of their apartment. Shaw met them at the door out of breath just as they got outside.

“Oh crap… what happened?” She asked noticing Reese was still in his pajamas so it couldn’t have happened on a mission.

“I…I don’t know… please just help me get him to the hospital.” Finch was shaking and could feel Reese’s breathing start to get shallow as he was holding him up.

“Get in the back seat with him, I’ll drive.” Shaw ran around the side of the car and jumped into the driver’s seat.

#

“H…Harold.” John was laying in the backseat with his head propped up on Harold’s lap. His voice was soft and raspy and his chest felt like it was on fire.

“John… you’re awake… we’re almost to the hospital so just hang on a little longer.” Harold was stroking the sweaty matted hair away from his forehead. His voice was sick with desperation.

“I’m… I’m not gonna die Harold. I promise.” John started to shiver and gasped for breath.

“I know John. You’re going to be fine, just hang on a little longer.” John’s eyes closed and his body went almost limp. Harold started to shake him “John?? John please wake up!” Harold started to feel water run down his face. “Wha… what is…” he asked himself before he realized that the water was his own tears. “You promised John!” he yelled still shaking his shoulders trying to get him to wake up, but all he got in response was John’s head falling limp against his stomach.

Shaw screeched the car to a stop in the hospital parking lot and ran in. She returned with a whole team of doctors and nurses. Harold was still shaking John trying to wake him up when one of the doctors opened the door. Harold let go of John ignoring everything in his heart that told him not to let him go and watched as they put him onto a stretcher and raced him inside.

“I… just…he said he was fine…” Harold whispered to himself.

#

Harold was sitting next to John’s hospital bed waiting for the doctor to come in and tell them what John’s CT scan had shown. John was breathing better thanks to the oxygen tube that went into his nostrils. He and Harold sat there in silence until Shaw, Carter and Fusco came in.

“Well would you look at that, wonder boy isn’t a robot after all.” Fusco was cut off by Reese groaning out,

“I can still kick... your ass … with bum lungs Fusco.”

Shaw started to laugh along with Finch,

“Is that what it is? Your lungs?” Carter asked with concern in her voice, she did her best to hide it but she always had a soft spot for her “man in the suit.”

“That’s what the doctors think, but they’re not positive.” Finch replied turning his attention from Reese to the detectives and Ms. Shaw.

“Well doctors ain’t right all the time. So I wouldn’t worry until I had too.” Fusco said plopping down onto the couch next to Shaw.

Just then the doctor walked into the room, “How’s the patient?” he asked sitting down on the edge of Reese’s bed.

“Been... better.” Reese replied softly wheezing between words.

“I’m sorry but if I could talk to John alone?” the doctor said looking at the four other people in the room.

“No… Harold stays.” John said as he grabbed Harold’s hand.

“Okay… but the rest of you, if you could go out into the hallway?”

Fusco, Carter and Shaw got up and went to the hallway. “What do you think that means??” Carter asked, concern surrounding her every word.

“Probably just those stupid privacy laws. They don’t want to get sued. Everything is probably fine.” Fusco said grasping Carter’s shoulder. But Shaw had a medical background… she knew everything wasn’t alright. She just didn’t want to say it.


	2. The Diagnosis

Finch stumbled out of the room towards Fusco, Carter and Shaw after the doctor had left. He couldn’t look any of them in the face. 

“It seems…” Finch started but stopped and steadied himself with one of the walls in the hallway.

“Finch, just tell us.” Carter grabbed his arm.

“Well… Mr. Reese… he…” Finch stopped again as he just couldn’t force himself to say it.

“Finch!” Carter grabbed his face and made him look at her…

“He has extensive stage 2 lung cancer.” Finch’s eyes started to water and Carter brought him in for a long hug. Fusco and Shaw just sat in the chairs in the hallway in complete silence not believing the words that just came out of his mouth. They felt like they had just gotten sucker punched in the stomach. 

“A specialist is going to come in and talk to us tomorrow. The doctor said he thinks it spread to his lymph nodes, but he doesn’t think it’s in any other organs yet.” Carter let go of Finch and wiped the tears away from her own eyes.

“How’s he dealing with it?” Shaw asked.

“Well you know him, he hasn’t really shown anything. Just said that he would fight it.” Finch took off his glasses and wiped his eyes. “He’s survived so much. And now this… It just…” Finch started to tear up again “it just feels like a cruel joke.” His head dropped with his chin tucked to his neck and tears flowing down his face.

"Come here." Carter said as she wrapped her arms around his neck for another hug.

#

None of them got any sleep that night. Reese was lying in bed pretending to sleep while Harold sat in the chair next to him researching all he could on his specific cancer. Fusco and Carter worked all night, they tried to find something to take their mind off it. Shaw retreated to searching out muggers in alleyways and taking their kneecaps out. “It’s not fair that people like this are perfectly fine, but someone like John who has saved so many people, is lying in a hospital bed dying.” She thought to herself. But everything that has happened over the years has certainly taught her that life is indeed not fair.

#

The next morning Shaw and Finch were at the hospital with Reese when the specialist came in, he was a tall older man, the kind that looks like he had indeed been around the block a time or two. Which was a good sign. 

“Morning everyone, how are we this morning Mr. Warren?” he leaned down and pressed the stethoscope to Reese’s chest.

“Well I can honestly say…” Reese took a deep breath at the doctor’s request, “I’ve probably seen worse days.” He smirked to Finch and Shaw.

“Well by the looks of your CT scan, the cancer is on your right lung and has spread to some of the surrounding lymph nodes. You’re very lucky that we caught it when we did, we usually don’t find lung cancer until it’s too late. I’d like to do another CT scan, but I think we’re going to do a month of chemo to try to shrink the tumor on your lung, and then surgery to remove it and also remove the surrounding affected nodes.”

Finch looked terrified and Reese could feel his hand sweating as he was grasping onto his. “So… will you have to take out any of his lung?” Finch swallowed.

“Like I said I’d like to take another set of scans, but right now, it’s borderline. Which is why I want to try the chemo to shrink it. So if the chemo does its job, I’ll just remove the tumor and none of the lung. But if it doesn’t, to be on the safe side I’d probably take out part of the lung with it. Any other questions?”

“When can I go home?” Reese asked seemingly not caring about any of the other information.

“I’ll set you up to go get your scans and some tests as soon as possible but I’d like you to stay for observation another night and then if all your numbers are good, you can leave tomorrow. If you have any other questions, just have one of the nurses’ page me and I’ll be here as soon as I can.”

“Thanks Doc.” Reese laid his head back on the pillow and sighed out in relief. The last thing he needed during this was to be trapped in a hospital room 24/7. He wanted to go home and be with Harold.

Harold clutched John’s hand, “We’re going to get through this. You’re going to get better and everything will go back to normal.”

#

Reese and Finch were back at the apartment. It felt… different. Finch had always said that they would probably end up dead, but this was almost worse. They both knew they had a long road ahead of them, but somehow they both figured everything would just go back to normal as soon as John got out of the hospital. Just like it had every other time he had gotten hurt.

“Well… we have to get up early to go see the oncologist tomorrow. We should probably get some sleep.” Finch said getting out of the shower. Reese was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling with his legs crossed and arms crossed behind his head.

“You know Finch… I’ve never smoked in my life. Not even in the army. Tried to drink myself to death for almost a year, but never smoked. Yet here I am with lung cancer.” Reese started to laugh. Finch put his pajama shirt on and got into the bed next to Reese... “Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?” Reese’s laughs turned into sobs “We finally got rid of Samaritan and everything was going so good…” Finch pulled Reese into his arms, Reese nudged his head into his warm silky chest, “and now I’m going to die, helpless and there’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe I should have died on that rooftop.”

“John stop it.” Finch lifted his head up. “You are not going to die. Everything is going to be fine. You’ve survived worse odds, I mean really, what other man can say he’s survived two explosions?” Finch smiled at Reese and wiped the tears off his cheeks. “And the next time you mention the rooftop... I might just kill you myself.” Reese smiled and calmed down a little. “Now let’s get some sleep, we have a big day tomorrow.” Reese nuzzled his head into Harold's chest again and soon fell asleep with his arms wrapped around him.

#

Reese and Finch were sitting in a room waiting for a nurse to come in to start Reese’s chemo therapy. The room was nice, it had a TV and nice comfortable furniture, the kind you’d expect to see in a hotel, not a hospital… but the reason why they were there kept creeping back into their minds. They had inserted a port into Reese’s chest about a week earlier. He was sitting in the chair, twirling his thumbs staring at the door. Finch could tell he was nervous, maybe even a little scared. John Reese, scared. Harold never thought he would see the day. The nurse came in, explained the procedure and hooked Reese up to all the monitors and took all the tests she needed and then came back to start the treatment.

“Okay so this whole thing should take about 4 hours, you’ll get really sleepy and a lot of people get nauseous. So I’m going to leave this container here in case you do get sick. But I’m going to give you some medicine in your IV to help with that. Any questions before we start?” Reese shook his head no, “Okay here we go then… you’re going to feel some pressure when I stick the needle in and probably a little warmth when it starts going in but other than that, you shouldn’t feel anything.” The nurse stuck the needle into his port. Finch winced more than he did. “Okay, I’ll be in and out to check on you, if you need anything don’t be afraid to ask…” The nurse checked everything one more time and left.

“So…” Finch said after they had sat there for a while.

“Finch. Not now.” Reese was annoyed and looking straight forward staring at a blank white wall.

“John, you haven’t talked about it at all other than that one night. You’ve just been going through the motions. I’m worried…”

“Don’t be. I’m fine.”

“Oookay…then what do you want to talk about because we’re going to be here for a while and I forgot my book.”

“How about we just watch TV.” Reese said motioning towards the remote on the table next to Finch’s chair.

“John I really…”

“Finch.” John shot a look at Finch that he had seen many times before, so he stopped talking.


	3. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chemo doesn't treat John too well. Which angers him even more than he thought it would.

Finch and Reese were back at the apartment later that day and Reese had fallen asleep on the couch, his head laying on Finch’s lap. He was reading a book trying not to fidget too much and wake John up. They were told that John would have to go through chemo twice a week for the next month. Shaw had been working the numbers with Carter and Fusco. Finch didn’t talk much about them or the numbers with Reese, he knew it would upset him even more. Even if he made a full recovery, they didn’t know if his body would be able to do what it was able to do before.

Reese woke up with a groan, “Harold…”

“John?” He was running his fingers through John’s soft salt and pepper hair. Then it hit Harold that John would probably lose it during chemo… and then the selfishness hit him, John was getting all of these horrible toxins pumped into his body and he’s worried about him losing his hair.

John got up and hurried into the bathroom. Harold got up to follow him, he heard Reese groaning and retching. He pressed his hands to the door, “Mr. Reese…” His forehead fell to the door as well.

“Stay… out.” Reese gasped out of breath. Harold ignored him and went in anyway.

“Harold. Please get out.” Reese was kneeling on the floor by the toilet hunched over. Finch knelt down next to him and placed his hand gently between the sick man’s shoulder blades and rubbed back and forth.

“I’m not leaving you John.” Reese groaned again. “My father always did this for me when I was sick, and surprisingly enough it usually made me feel somewhat better.” John gave in to Harold and let him stay, even though he didn’t want him to see him like this.

“I think I’m okay for now… let me get cleaned up. I’ll be out in a minute.” John’s voice was weak and raspy. Just then Finch heard a knock on the door and remembered Fusco, Shaw and Carter were coming over for dinner. He immediately felt bad because John certainly wouldn’t want to eat right now, he should have called it off for the night.

“Hello detectives and Ms. Shaw, I’m terribly sorry but I completely forgot you were coming… it’s been a long day and Mr. Reese is… well he’s not in the dinner mood.”

“Oh that’s fine Harold, we can just sit and talk. We have nothing better to do.” Carter reassured him with a smile.

“Okay, well… he’s in the bathroom. He’s having a rather rough time with the chemotherapy, which is as to be expected of course.” Finch let them inside and they went to sit down at the kitchen table.

“Harold where are my… Oh, hi… hi everyone.” Reese said walking into the kitchen. “I forgot you all were coming over,” he said with a small smile for them. “Harold, where’s my medication?”

“Over here, you can have 2 right now.” Finch said handing him the pill bottle. “I’m going to prepare dinner, I…” Finch paused not knowing what to say, “Do you think you can eat or would you like me to make you some soup…?” He asked remembering the list of foods the nurse had given them to have for when Reese got sick.

“Sure, I’ll try. Do we happen to have any Gatorade?”

“Well well well look what we have here.” Fusco said holding a grocery bag of something. “My uncle went through chemo too, so I got you some of the stuff that helped him through it.” Fusco handed over the bag to Reese’s shaking hands.

Reese smirked looking through the bag, “Thanks Fusco.” He grabbed one of the Gatorade bottles out of the bag cracking open the lid.

“So John… how are you doing?” Carter asked as he sat down next to her at the table.

“Well… I’m alright.” Reese said taking a swig.

“Ready to shoot some kneecaps out yet?” Shaw broke the awkward silence. Everyone laughed, even Reese. They sat there talking while Harold finished preparing dinner. He sat the soup bowl in front of Reese, he looked down at it and just stared.

“John, if you don’t think you can…” Harold started

“I’m okay Harold.”

#

Everyone was getting ready to leave after dinner. John was lying on the couch watching TV occasionally nodding off, while the rest of them played cards at the kitchen table.

“Well we’re off, Harold… if you ever want a break or just need time to talk, don’t be afraid to call me and I’ll be right over. I can always take him to his treatments too if you are busy.” Carter said while she was hugging him good-bye.

“Thank you Joss. I’ll remember that.”

Everyone left and as soon as Finch shut the door, Reese got up again and ran into the bathroom. Harold followed him. This time John left the door open, almost as an invitation for him to go in.

“I shouldn’t have…” he retched mid-sentence, “shouldn’t have eaten the soup.”

“You still have to eat John even if you don't think you can…” Harold was rubbing his back again, “Did you feel this bad the whole time? You should have said something.”

“I… I can’t show them how bad it is.” Reese’s eyes were watering from getting sick and he was trying to catch his breath. Finch’s heart dropped when Reese said that. He was the one fighting for his life, and he was still worried about other people. He even felt guilty... he shouldn’t have asked them to come over, he knew John was going to feel like crap.

“Here… let’s get you up.” Harold helped Reese up to sit on the edge of the tub. “John, they all love you… I love you. Now I can’t sit here and say we understand what you’re going through, but we know that it’s hell. You don’t have to worry about us, you just need to take care of yourself. And when you can’t do that, let the people who love you help.” Finch wiped Reese’s face and put a cold rag on his neck. “Let’s get you to bed. It’s been a long day.” He said as he kissed Reese’s forehead and lifted him up off the tub.

Reese put on his pajamas and laid down in the bed. Harold came in a minute later with a cup of ginger tea.

“Here, detective Fusco said that this helps with the nausea. There’s more in that bag he brought.”

“Thanks.” Reese took a drink, wincing at the taste.

Harold got into bed and scooted close to John. He set his hand on his back and started to rub up and down his spine. He heard Reese’s breathing become shallow as he fell into a deep sleep. Harold kept stroking, running his hands up and down John's back until his eyelids started to feel heavy and he too fell into darkness.

#

“Mr. Reese you have to go slow…” Reese had been going through his treatments for 3 weeks and it was starting to take a toll on him. He had lost 30 more pounds, he couldn't keep anything down and his hair was getting thin. He was climbing the stairs to get to into their apartment after one of his treatments and started out too fast and got winded. “Do you want help?” Finch extended his arm out to help.

“No.” Reese gasped.

“John, just take my arm.” Finch went to grab him,

“Damn it Harold! I said no!” Reese swatted his arm away which made him even more out of breath and he almost fell. Even though he was weak he hit Harold’s arm at just the right angle that it made him move his neck wrong and he winced and gasped in pain. Reese noticed it, “I’m so sorry Finch… I just…” he was interrupted,

“It’s fine John. Let’s just get you into the apartment.”

John settled into a chair in the living room and Harold wrapped him in a big fluffy blanket. “Thanks Finch.”

“You’re welcome. I need to go shopping and go to the pharmacy to get your medicine, so detective Carter is coming over to spend some time with you.”

“I can… stay by myself Finch.” John scoffed situating himself in the chair.

“I know you can, but I don’t want you to.” Finch replied as he heard a knock on the door.

“Hello detective.” Finch said letting Carter into the apartment.

“Hey Finch.” Carter said coming through the door. “Hey… John.” She saw John’s sunken eyes, his thin and weak shaking arms and his thinning hair and was taken aback. She managed to hide her reaction at the depressing sight.

“Hey Joss.” John said turning on the TV.

“Detective I’d like to talk to you in the hallway. John, I’ll be back in a couple hours, you know where everything is should you need it.” Finch ducked out into the hall with Carter.

“I didn’t know it was this bad.” Carter sighed, “He looks terrible.”

“I know, but he only has 2 more weeks left until they decide on the surgery.” Finch rubbed his neck as pain creeped up from jerking it earlier.

“You okay?” Carter was concerned

“Yes, we had a… disagreement. He slapped my arm away and it made me jerk my neck around. He didn’t mean it and I should have just left him alone. He….” Finch started to tear up. “I know he’s only doing this for me. So I try to help him as much as I can, but you know him. He’s always been strong and on his own and now…” Finch had tears flowing down his face and he looked Carter in the eyes… “Now he can barely walk up the stairs on his own, and here I am crying like a baby because I hate to see him like this.”

“Finch stop it; you love him so it’s only natural that you feel like this. Hell we all feel like this. I still expect him to answer the door guns hot when I come over.” Carter smirked and grabbed Finch’s hands.  “But after all this, he’s going to get better. He’s shown that he’s even stronger than we thought. Before we know it he’s gonna be shooting out kneecaps, harassing Lionel and chasing bad guys through the streets again. Don’t worry.” Finch took out his handkerchief and wiped his eyes.

“Thank you Joss.” He smiled at her. “I’ll be back soon if you have any questions just call me.”

Carter made her way into the apartment. She saw John lying there in the chair and just couldn’t bring herself to accept that it was the same man that she had seen take out 10 or more guys by himself. The man who had rescued her son from a mob boss and his cronies, was now barely able to lift himself up from a chair. “Need anything?” she asked grabbing a water out of the fridge. John shook his head no, keeping his eye on the old army movie he was watching. “What’ya watching?” She asked sitting down on the couch.

“The good, the bad and the ugly.” Reese rasped

“Oh I think I’ve heard of it.” Carter said slightly disappointed that’s all he said, but he continued.

“Clint Eastwood was…” Reese stopped as he started to cough.

When he couldn’t stop, Carter jumped off the couch. “Hey, hey you okay?” Carter said placing her hand on his neck. “Relax John… Breathe…” she said massaging his neck as he was wheezing and gasping ruggedly.

“W…” he scraped and swallowed... “Water…please...” Carter got up to get him a bottle and brought it back.

“Here you go…” she said lifting it up to him. He grabbed it from her and took a drink… took a deep breath, as well as he could… and took another drink.

“Anyways” Reese started again. “Eastwood was my dad’s favorite actor.” Reese stopped and took another drink. “This one was his favorite movie. We used to watch it all the time.” Reese stopped so Carter stepped in pleased that he had just opened up to her like that. He had never talked about his dad to her.

“Your dad had good taste John.” She replied with a cheeky smile.


	4. The Long Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's kinda short. Just figured this would be a good place to stop.

Carter got up when she heard a knock on the door. It was Finch, “Hey Harold.” She whispered, “He fell asleep about 20 minutes ago. I didn’t want to wake him up and move him, he looked so… comfy.”

“That’s perfectly fine detective. Thank you so much for coming over.”

Carter left and Finch put away the groceries and got all of Reese’s medication together. He sat there for a while, watching Reese sleep. It had almost become routine now, he just wanted to assure himself that John wasn't going to stop breathing, he knew how crazy it sounded but he couldn’t' help himself. Harold wasn’t watching John though. He was watching John trapped inside some other man's weak body.  He knew it was still John in there somewhere though because every time he would watch him, he would wake up, like something was telling him Harold was home to keep him safe.

“Harold?” John’s eyes fluttered open and he cleared his throat.

“I’m here John.” He went over and sat on the arm of the chair next to him.

“Harold. I’m so sorry about earlier. I can’t believe I did that. I…”

“John, you were upset and didn't realize what you were doing. I completely understand, there is no reason to apologize. Just please forget about it.”

“No I can’t. You’ve been so amazing through this whole thing and I’ve been horrible and short with you.”

“John… you have a reason to be on edge, please… let’s just not talk about it… just know that I forgave you the moment we walked into the apartment.” Finch grabbed his hand and leaned in for a kiss. It was long and passionate. Something the two desperately needed. When they finally pulled back, John was out of breath, “Oh… I’m sorry John…”

“No... Don’t be... I needed that...” John breathed.

“Okay. Well you need to take your meds and I’ll make some dinner too, think you’re up to eating?”

“Yeah, I think I can.  I haven’t thrown up yet today.” Reese laughed.

“Well that is something Mr. Reese!” Finch started to smile.

#

Reese just wanted a bowl of some fruit. Harold brought it to him in his chair with his meds and brought him a glass of the ginger tea also. He swallowed down his pills and started to eat the fruit. Finch brought over a bowl of left over noodles that he heated up and sat down on the couch. Carter had shut the TV off when John fell asleep so it was almost silent while they were eating. Just the sound of Finch’s fork hitting the bottom of his bowl and the crunch the crisp fresh fruit made when John bit down.

“Finch, how’s everything going with the numbers?” Harold could tell that John was deeply depressed about not being able to work with the numbers. Reese was looking down into his bowl.

“Well… Ms. Shaw and the detectives are handling it… Why do you ask?”

“I just… if I don’t get better… or if I'm not able to do it after all this… I want you to know that I expect you to go back to helping them. I won’t let you give it up and not go back.”

“I already planned on it Mr. Reese…” John’s expression stayed the same. “But I had envisioned you sitting beside me and teaching you how to do the work on the computer. Even if you can’t do the heavy lifting anymore John, we’re not going to abandon you.” John smiled and went back to eating his fruit. He lifted his hand to scratch his head, but when he did he came out with a hand full of hair… Harold was trying not to act like he saw the visible alarm on John’s face.

“Harold. I want you to cut it all off.”

“John… you don’t have too… are you sure?” Harold set down his bowl when John nodded and went into the bathroom to get the clippers. He started to shave it, hair was falling down at his feet.

“There…” Harold handed a mirror to John.

“Looks good. Reminds me of when I was a ranger. Well except the whole 40lbs lighter thing.” John smirked, “Thank you Finch.”

“No problem John.” Harold clutched his shoulders.

#

Harold had fallen asleep on the couch while John was watching TV. He woke up to find John sleeping in the chair too. He thought about letting him sleep there for the night, if he woke him up now, he might feel sick or he might not be able to go back to sleep, the medications were wreaking havoc on his body. And sleep was something he desperately needed. Harold walked over to him and bent down beside him and kissed his cheek. “Good night John.” He whispered. 


	5. When the Pot Boils Over

Three more weeks passed and John had finished his treatments. He still looked ragged and he would wheeze from time to time when he walked for too long a period of time.

 Although his weight had remained steady, his eyes were slightly droopy and sunken in, his arms and hands had a bit of a tremor now from everything his body had gone through in the past weeks. He was trying to keep his strength up with free weights but the horrid concoction of meds made everything that much more difficult.

They arrived at the hospital to have a CT scan to see what surgery John would have to go through. When they walked in, Harold got John into a wheelchair and wheeled him into the waiting room. He went up the desk to get the new paper work to fill out. He came over and sat down next to John and started writing everything down. He could tell John was nervous again. He hadn’t seen him like this since his first chemo treatment. Harold couldn’t blame him though, he might be told that he was going to lose part of his lung in a few minutes, he had a right to be nervous. He finished the paperwork and took it back up to the desk.

“Mr. Warren, you can follow me.” a nurse came over and led them to a room. She weighed John and checked his blood pressure and did a variety of other things, “Okay the doctor will be here in a few moments to go over a few things, and then we’ll take you for the scan.”

About 10 minutes later the doctor walked in. “Hello Mr. Warren.” he said looking through John’s chart. “How are you today?”

“Feeling alright.” John rasped back.

“Have you had any trouble breathing? Any coughing or wheezing?”

“Yes, but not too bad.”

“Okay. The amount weight loss does concern me a little, but you did have high doses of the chemo, and you've leveled off so it’s probably nothing to worry about.” He wrote something down on John’s chart and grabbed his stethoscope and placed it on John’s chest, “Okay and a deep breath please…” John breathed in as well as he could. “Okay good, and again…” he pressed it to John’s back… “And one more time…” Reese did his best to take deep breaths but Harold could see he was struggling. “Alright, the nurse will be in shortly to take you to your scan and then I’ll be back.” The doctor left and in came the nurse.

“You can stay right here, we’re going to do the scan right now and it’ll be done in about 20-30 minutes and then we’ll bring him back.” The nurse said to Harold.

“Okay, thank you.” He said sitting down in a chair.

“Ready Mr. Warren?” she asked grabbing his wheelchair.

“You bet.”  He gave Harold a small smile as they wheeled him back.

#

About 25 minutes later the nurse brought John back into the room “Okay the doctor will be in after he looks at your scans. If you need anything just holler.”

“So, how’d it go?” Harold asked not able to bear the silence anymore.

“Fine, I still can’t stand tight spaces.” John started to laugh a little. The doctor came in a few minutes later and sat down with them. Harold was about to throw up himself he was so nervous, he couldn’t imagine what John must feel like.

“Well. The tumor on your lung has shrunk. So I won’t need to take out any of the lung.” Harold sighed from relief, “We are still looking at a very invasive surgery though, and if I get in there and I see that its spread or gotten bigger, it could drastically change what I have to do. But this is good news Mr. Warren… This is what we wanted. Now on your way out we can schedule the surgery.”

“Thank you doctor.” Finch said as they followed him out the door. John didn’t say anything though and Finch was a little worried at his expression.

#

“Is something wrong John?” Harold asked in the car. Reese was staring out the window...

“No… I’m”

“And don’t say you’re fine, because you aren’t.” Finch scoffed back not realizing what he was doing, “I’m sick of you saying you’re fine!”

“Harold…”

“Don’t Harold me. You need to talk about it! I’m not going to sit by and watch you act like you just got a death sentence when you got the best possible news you could have gotten.” Harold pulled over into a parking lot.

“Didn’t you hear him Harold!?! Do you know how long that’s going to put me up for?!” John’s voice was cracking as he screamed and tears started to run down his face. “I’m so sick of being this weak sick bastard! And now I get told that I’m going to be like this even longer!?!” Harold cut him off.

“Would you rather have just gotten told you were going to die?!”

“Part of me yes!” John yelled and then stopped after he saw Finch’s face. It looked like he had just had his heart ripped out through his chest. “No… Harold. I didn’t mean that…” he retreated.

“No I know what you meant, I knew this had an effect on you, but I never would have imagined it would have made you a coward.” Finch started up the car and they rode all the way home in silence.

#

There was a knock at the door, “I’m going out. Detective Fusco is here.” Finch walked over and let Fusco in.  He left.

“You two alright…?” Fusco asked sitting down in a chair in the living room.

“Don’t start Lionel.” Reese turned over on the couch and had his back to Fusco.

“He hasn’t left your side through all of this and you’re sitting here pouting because you got good news today?” Fusco scoffed, “Why’d you even go through all this if you didn’t want to live through it?”

“Why do you think? You saw his face when we found out. He didn’t sleep for the first week trying to find the right doctor’s and the right treatments. And pain has never bothered me.”

“If all of this was for him then why did you blow up today? You’re on the home stretch and now you’re giving up?”

John rolled his eyes, he knew Finch must have told Fusco about what happened in the car. “Yeah well, I guess I just got sick of it all. Everyone telling me I’m going to be okay and that this is good news. Well I can’t sit here anymore and not do anything. I’m just a burden on everyone, you all should be out helping people and spending time with your family. Not watching over feeble Mr. Reese.”

“You are part of our family John. Me, Carter, Shaw and sure as hell glasses’ so quit feeling sorry for yourself. Look, I know you’re going through a lot, but we’re just trying to help.”

“I know. I just… I don’t know what came over me. I just snapped. I can’t believe I yelled at him.” Reese sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“You need to talk to him John.” Fusco patted him on the shoulder.

#

“Thank you so much detective. Please tell Lee hello for me.” Finch said hanging up his coat.

“H… Harold. Can we talk?” John sat up from the couch.

“Of course John.”

Harold walked over and sat down next to him. John placed his hand on his knee and just let it all out. 

“I’m so sorry. I just lost my temper. I guess I just needed a minute. When I was laying in the CT machine, I just thought it would be easier on everyone if it had spread and I wouldn’t have that much time left to be a burden everyone. Especially on you.”

“John do not ever say that. I wouldn’t make it if I had to sit around and watch you die not being able to do anything. I do not mind one bit helping you around right now. Because you have done it plenty of times for me. I love you John. And nothing will ever change my mind on that.” Harold smiled, “even if you are a “weak bastard.” Which you’re not. You’re still the strongest man I know John. You’re just sick, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Harold wiped the tears from John’s eyes as he tried to hide his own.

“I love you Harold.” John leaned in and kissed him.

“Let's agree to fight about the things that really matter after you're back to being your irritating old self” John agreed and they sat and held each other for a long while.


	6. A world without you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John goes in for surgery

It was the day of the surgery. Neither John nor Harold slept the night before. Harold couldn’t help but think this could be the last time he shared a bed with John. This could be the last time he woke up to John’s warmth lying next to him. In the work they did, it always seemed this would be the end game. But Harold never thought it would be like this… watching John disintegrate before his eyes and then disappear. He shook himself out of his dark and negative thinking when he felt John get up. He rolled over and saw him just sitting on the side of the bed. He was starting to look better, he had gained some weight back and his hair was starting to come in better. But that didn’t change the fact that Harold still knew he was sick.

“You okay?” He asked as he got up and started to rub John’s tense shoulders.

“Just a little nervous that’s all.” John sighed.

Harold was thrown for a loop at John’s answer, he’d never admitted he was scared before. Harold leaned down and whispered into his ear,

“You’re going to be fine. I know it. You’re John Reese.” Harold said the last part almost as a reassurance for himself. “You’re John Reese.” He said it again. He wrapped his arms around John’s chest and wouldn’t let him go. Later the alarm sounded that told them it was time to get ready to go. Carter and Fusco would be over soon and Shaw was going to meet them at the hospital.

“I guess it’s time to go…” Reese said nudging his head into the crook of Harold’s neck.

“Yes… yes I suppose it is.”

#

They arrived at the hospital and got settled into the room. The nurses hooked Reese up to all the machines and monitors and ran all the tests they needed to ensure a successful operation. The surgeon came in and talked to them and answered any questions they had, a couple of the other doctors who were going to be assisting in his surgery also came in and introduced themselves.

“Alright your blood pressure is a little high so I’m just giving you something to relax you a little bit,” a nurse said injecting something into John’s IV. “They should be in shortly to take you to the OR.”

Harold moved over to the chair next to John’s bed after the nurse left, Carter and Fusco were sitting on the couch and Shaw was sitting on the floor propped up against the wall. They all sat there quietly not really knowing what to say while Harold held John's hand. Finch knew how hesitant John had felt about the whole ordeal so he tried his best to reassure him. "We are all here for you John, and we will make sure that you get through everything alright," he said while doing his best not to tear up.

“Time to go Mr. Warren.” Two men in blue scrubs walked in with a stretcher to take John to surgery.

“Can we have a minute?” Finch asked quietly.

“Of course, but don’t take too long.” The two men walked out of the room.

“Well John, I’ll see you when you wake up.” Carter grasped his hand, “Don’t you dare die.” She joked and smiled trying to hold back the tears.

“You’re stuck with me, remember?” Reese clutched her hand even tighter.

Fusco didn’t say much; he wasn’t really one for words unless it was the typical sarcastic joke. He wasn’t one for sharing his true feelings either but he couldn’t help but put his hand on Reese’s shoulder and let out a simple “I’ll see you in a few wonder boy.” With a cheeky smile.

Shaw of course was not one for sappy shows of affection either, “Hurry up and get your ass better so I don’t have to keep chasing down these purse snatchers by myself.” She had the slightest hint of a sympathetic smile on her face and Reese knew that was her way of saying good luck.

The three left Finch and Reese alone in the room. “Well I guess it’s my turn.” Finch said as he clenched Reese’s hand. “I… John…” Harold couldn’t quite find the words he wanted to say.

“Harold. Stop it, you don’t have to say anything because I’m going to see you in a couple hours.” John smiled. “I promised you I wasn’t going to die, remember?” Finch remembered that night, the night all this started. He felt tears start to run down his cheeks and saw John’s eyes had started to water as well.

“I love you John.”

“I love you too.” John said as Harold leaned in and kissed him goodbye.

“Alright sorry but we have to go…” the two men entered the room again. They helped John out of bed and onto the gurney. Harold grabbed his hand one last time and walked with them into the hall, he let go when they got to the big doors that said Harold couldn’t enter, he saw John mouth the words,

“I promise.” and then he was gone. Finch stood in the hallway still and bereft watching the doors close as they wheeled John into the next phase of his ordeal. He felt a hand on his shoulder that brought him out of the daze and he turned around,

“Let’s go get some tea.” It was Shaw with a slight smile on her face, Carter and Fusco were standing behind her.

******

Reese had never felt so exposed in his life. He felt open so that the whole world could see right through him. He had spent years building a wall and shutting people out, he couldn’t stand feeling like this. When the two men wheeled him into the operating room, it sent a shiver down his spine. Then Harold entered his mind, the one person he had actually broken his wall down for and let him into his precious life. He remembered something he had told him after they came down from the rooftop after defeating Samaritan. “Mr. Reese the truth is…. I don’t want to live in a world without you.” Those words kept echoing in his head.

“Okay Mr. Warren we’re going to lift you onto the table now…1…2…3…” they shifted him onto the table. He gasped as he felt the cold metal on his back through the thin material that covered the table… his chest ached and his head was spinning now. He wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or if it was the fact he couldn’t get the thought of Harold being alone out of his head. He had promised he’d make it through the surgery but what if he didn’t? Harold would still have Carter, Fusco, and Shaw. He would be okay. “I don’t want to live in a world without you.” That phrase was stuck in his head. He had to make it through the surgery, he just had to. He couldn’t leave Harold alone. He sensed the anesthesiologist put something into his IV and then pick up the breathing mask. He recognized the tall slender figure from when he had introduced himself earlier that morning. He had a mask on but the lines on his cheeks told him that he was smiling.

“Okay Mr. Warren, when I put this on I want you to count down from 10 and then when you wake you’ll be all fixed up.” John nodded and the doctor set the mask onto his face.

“10…9…8…7…” John faded off…

#

Three hours had passed. The waiting room was empty. It was just the four of them sitting there. Carter, Fusco and Shaw were making small talk, talking about things they had seen on the news and Carter and Shaw swapping old army stories. But Finch remained silent. He couldn’t think straight, his mind just kept imagining John lying helpless on a table cut open. How much he must have hated that because it made him feel exposed and vulnerable. Harold could hear the muffled sounds of the other three talking but he was so lost in his thoughts he didn’t realize they were talking to him.

“Harold…? What do you think?” he snapped out of it…

“What…I…Sorry I was just thinking, what did you say?”

“Do you think I should get John the big teddy bear in the suit or just some chocolates?” Carter asked obviously trying just to get the man to talk.

“He doesn’t like chocolate… so I’d go with the bear.” Finch answered smiling at the detective clearly realizing what she was doing. Another couple of moments of silence passed before Fusco started laughing.

“Remember when he basically kidnapped that couple because they took out a hit on each other?” the other three started laughing as well.

“Or when he tackled that guy out of the window.” Shaw said dryly but with a smirk on her face. They were all laughing while swapping Reese stories back and forth and after they had finished the laughing faded into a deep silence. Because for that short amount of time, they had forgotten about where they were, they forgot that Reese was in a surgery that could very well kill him. And when reality hit them, they just sat there in complete silence not knowing what to do or what they would do if the man left their lives.


	7. I promised

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He had never really ever believed in a God, he always sided with science, but he found himself praying… begging for Reese to be okay, making deals in his head."

#

After five hours had passed, Finch was sitting watching the doors. Waiting for them to open and for the surgeon to come in and tell them Reese was okay. He couldn’t stand this. He was absolutely miserable but knew it would all be worth it when Reese was back to himself. He had never really ever believed in a God, he always sided with science, but he found himself praying… begging for Reese to be okay, making deals in his head. Shaw was destroying a bag of chips and sandwich she had gotten from the vending machine, Fusco was watching some football game on the TV and Carter was sitting next to Harold grasping his clammy sweaty hand. Just then the doors opened and Finch saw the familiar face of Reese’s surgeon. He was trying to read his facial expression but he couldn’t manage. Carter felt his hand clench even tighter around hers and saw that he looked like he was about to throw up. As the surgeon walked over towards them, Finch saw every moment he had spent with Reese over the years flash before his eyes. The lazy no number movie days with Reese complaining about how they had too many subtitles, watching Reese read his favorite book “The Count of Monte Cristo” over and over again while waiting for a new number in the library, and all the warm embraces...the warm touch of Reese’s skin on his own that made him feel a sense of closeness he’d never felt before with anyone else. Finch snapped out of it when he saw the doctor sit down in front of Carter and himself. Shaw and Fusco walked over to listen as well.

“Well we were able to remove the tumor without taking any of his lung. We also removed the lymph nodes that it had spread to.” Everyone in the room felt like the big tension bubble had been popped with a needle. “He’s awake and in the ICU, we took the breathing tube out before he left the recovery room to go to the ICU, so he is breathing on his own which is a good sign. He should be able to leave the ICU later tomorrow baring everything goes well.” The doctor brought out Reese’s post-op scans and showed them and explained a variety of things.

“Can we see him?” Finch anxiously asked the doctor.

“In about an hour, we’re still running post-op tests and we need to get him comfortable in his room. I’ll have a nurse come get you when he’s ready for visitors. Only two people at a time can go in to the ICU. Do you have any other questions?”

“No, not at the moment. Thank you so much Doctor.” Finch said. The doctor left and Finch let out a sigh. “Thank God.” He breathed.

“Told you. He’s immortal.” Fusco joked now that the situation was far less tense.

#

The nurse came out and told them that two of them could go in and see Reese. They all told Finch that they could wait and he should just go in by himself. He almost wanted someone else to go in with him, he didn’t know how he’d react to Reese looking so vulnerable and helpless. He had seen pictures and videos in his research but he couldn’t imagine Reese like that. But he had seen him during chemo, what could be worse?

This. This was worse. When he walked in, he saw Reese hooked up to a bunch of machines with tubes and wires coming out of him everywhere. He had oxygen going into his nostrils again just like they had given him the first night all this had happened. A couple nurses were still in the room doing something on one of the machines. They looked at Harold when he walked in which made John turn his head and look at him. “Hi, you can have a seat, we’re almost done here.” Harold didn’t move, he could hear the beeping of the heart monitor and the roaring of the machines Reese was hooked up to. “Press this button for pain Mr. Warren and if you need anything else at all press this call button.” The nurses finished up what they were doing and left the room. Harold was still standing by the door. It felt like he was stuck there, he couldn’t move.

“H… hey Harold.” John’s voice was weak, dry and barely heard over all the machines. He tried to sit up but Harold managed to move his feet finally and stopped him.

“No, John don’t… the doctor said you’re going to be very sore.” John relaxed and Harold took a seat next to his bed. He saw the two chest tubes sticking out from under the blankets and all of the other wires and couldn’t hide his frown.

“Hey…” John lifted up his hand and grabbed Harold’s, “Smile. I told you, I promised.” John had a slight smirk on his face. Harold had wondered how he was even talking let alone smiling, but like he said earlier…. He was John Reese.

“I know.” The side of Harold’s mouth lifted up into a half-smile. “The doctor said you did very well, and that he got out all of the effected lymph nodes and the entire tumor.” 

“Good.” John said remembering that the doctor had told him something like that in the recovery room but his memory was cloudy from the anesthesia. He winced at the pain in his side where they had cut him open. Harold lifted his free hand up and caressed John’s forehead. John started to talk again… “How long?”

Harold knew what he meant, John wanted to go back to work. The thing that killed Harold inside was that it would be at least another 4-5 months… probably more… before he could even think about going back out into the field. “Let’s not worry about that right now John. You’re okay that’s all that matters.” John groaned, Harold didn’t know if he was in pain or if he knew that what Harold said had meant it was going to be a long time. “Don’t worry about it Mr. Reese, you’re going to be back in no time. But you should really get some rest.” Harold was still rubbing his forehead.

“Okay Finch.” Reese agreed because he was starting to feel tired and he could tell all the meds were kicking in again because he was getting fuzzy.

#

John woke up to Finch reading by his bedside. His mouth was dry and his throat felt like he had swallowed sand. “Water.” He rasped and Finch hurried to his side.

“Here…” Finch lifted the straw to his mouth from a Styrofoam cup a nurse had brought in earlier. Reese sipped and looked at Finch. He winced at the pain in his side and groaned. “Here push this.” Finch handed him his pain button.

“Thanks.” John’s head fell back against the pillow.

“How are you feeling?” Finch sat back down in his chair, clearly exhausted.

“Alright at the moment. Well... not as bad as you’d think I guess.” He amended.

“Good. Well I’m going to go get the detectives, they wanted to see you last night but you fell asleep so they stopped by before work. There can only be two people in here at once though so I’ll come back with Ms. Shaw when they leave.” Finch left to go get Carter and Fusco. They entered the room.

“Hey John, how you felling?” Carter said walking through the door.

“Hi guys. I’m good. Sorry I fell asleep last night. Meds ya know?” Reese smirked.

“Yeah those things can mess ya up, I had a guy one time I arrested…” Fusco started but stopped when Carter hit him in the side. Reese laughed and quickly realized that was a bad idea. “Ahhh, sorry John.” Fusco said at the sight of Reese grimacing in pain.

 “It’s alright Fusco. I’ll get you back when I’m out of this bed. Don’t worry.”

“Well we’re glad you’re doing well John, we gotta get to work, but we’ll be back when you’re out of the ICU and feeling better.” Carter said holding his hand. Harold and Shaw entered the room after the detectives had left. John could feel the steady drip of morphine starting to pull him back under again.

“Harold… less… drugs… please.” John breathed to Harold as he sat down.

“John are you sure? You might be in a lot of pain…”

“Yes. I’m sure.” His eyes fluttered shut and he was asleep again. Harold nodded to Shaw to go get one of the nurses. 


	8. Recovery

John was moved to a normal hospital room the next night. It was much quieter and the nurses came in less frequently. He was getting better and that was all Harold was concerned with.

“Okay Mr. Warren it’s time to sit up and do some breathing exercises.” A nurse said as she walked in. Harold and Shaw were sitting in the room,

“I think I’ll go to the cafeteria…” Shaw said as she got up to leave. Harold didn’t know if John would want him to stay or not so he stood up for a moment… then John flashed him a look that screamed “please stay.” So Harold stayed.

“Okay first off can you rate your pain from one to ten?” the nurse placed a spirometer on the table beside John.

“Probably a four right now.” John said. Harold knew that John’s four would be anyone else’s seven or eight.

“Good.” The nurse helped John sit up. “Now if you could take a deep breath in…” John tried, but it wasn’t much, Harold could tell he got frustrated. “It’s okay Mr. Warren, this is why we’re working at it. Just keep trying.” John took deep breath after deep breath, each one better than the previous. “Okay now I want you to take a deep breath and cough.” John did it but groaned at the pain at his incision site. “Okay that’s normal.” She looked at Finch with directing eyes, “Could you come here? I’m just kind of helping him right now so you don’t have to completely hold him up but just in case.” She showed Harold what to do and he followed orders. “Okay now I’m going to use the pillow to put some pressure against your side, it’ll help with the pain.” Reese finished the coughing exercise. “Okay almost done.” The nurse took the spirometer. “Okay so you’re going to put this in your mouth, and then take a deep breath in and then blow out. The goal is to get the little ball up to the top.” Reese tried it, but it didn’t quite work out as he thought it would. He thought it would be easy, but he only got the ball about halfway up. “That’s good Mr. Warren! Most people barely even get it to lift on their first day. We’re done with these. It looks like a physical therapist will be in later today to get you up out of that bed and start walking around.” She smiled and left the room after both Finch and Reese had thanked her.

“Well that’s good news!” Finch said helping Reese lie back down.

“Yeah I suppose.” 

#

Carter wasn’t kidding about the bear. She waddled in with the life size teddy bear in a suit and set it down on the bed at Reese’s feet. Fusco followed behind her.

“Wow Carter…. I…”

“Yeah you couldn’t have anything in the ICU and I figured you wouldn’t really be in the mood, but since you’re feeling better… here ya go!” She said smiling.

“Thanks Carter, I love it.” Reese said smirking and nodding at Finch to help him sit up.

“So when you getting busted out of here?” Fusco asked.

“They say a couple of days, it all depends.” Reese was a lot more talkative than he had been thanks to the amount of morphine getting decreased. Just then the surgeon walked in,

“Hello Mr. Warren, I hear you’re making excellent headway in your recovery.” He sat down on the edge of John’s bed. He looked at the bear, “Well isn’t that just the coolest thing I’ve seen.” He smirked and everyone started to laugh. “Well anyway I just came by to check in, and go over some things.” He got out his stethoscope and put the buds in his ears. “Okay deep breath…” He pressed the cold metal circle to John’s chest, “One more…” he slid it to the other side. Finch’s jaw almost dropped because of how much better John’s breathing had gotten. “Okay and one last one.” he moved it to John’s back. “Everything sounds good.” I’m just going to check the incision site and your chest tubes and I’ll be out of your hair. If you all could wait in the hallway while I examine him?” The three left the room. The doctor unbuttoned the front of John’s gown “Okay… the sight looks good, any pain here?”

“Some, but only when I was doing those breathing exercises.”

“Okay yes that’s normal…” the doctor moved to his chest tubes. “Alright this looks good as well, any pain there?”

“Not really, just uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, actually your breathing is great right now and it doesn’t look like there’s any fluid, so I can take them out right now.” John sighed in relief, he had barely slept since his first night in the ICU thanks to these stupid uncomfortable things. The doctor came back with a tray of supplies, "Okay let's get started." He started to take the tape and bandages off, John's skin had a rusty tint to it from the dried blood. "Okay, so these are going to drain for a couple days, kind of like a regular cut. The nurses will keep an eye on it, but just so you don't worry." John shook his head and the doctor removed the stitches holding the tubes in place. "Okay, now whats gonna happen is you're gonna take a deep breath in and then when you let it out I'll remove them at the same time...Ready?" Reese shook his head again. "Okay deep breath in and...out." he pulled them out and placed bandages over the holes.

"Wow." John sighed. 

"Yeah it is a different feeling isn't it." The doctor chuckled and finished everything up. “Any questions before I leave?” the doctor asked cleaning up the supplies he’d used.

“Do you have any idea when I can go home?”

“I had a feeling you’d ask that. Well it’s been 3 days and you’ll need to do some more therapy, but I’ll give you an estimate of… let’s say… if everything keeps improving and you have no complications…3 more days. Think you can handle that?”

“I guess I can try.” Reese said situating himself in bed more comfortably now that the tube was gone.

“I know that you are feeling quite a bit better than you have felt in months Mr. Warren, but it’s very important we give your body time to rest. Because if you start out too fast, your body will start to shut down and then you’ll have to stay here even longer…and I know you don’t want that.” The doctor said patting Reese’s shoulder with a grin.

“Alright… alright you got me, I’ll take it easy.” Reese groaned.


	9. Going Home

It had been 3 more days and staying true to his word, the doctor was ready to discharge John. He had been walking around for a couple days, walking up and down the halls with his therapist and Harold at his side. He still had pain, but nothing he couldn’t handle, he could finally breathe freely… something he hadn’t been able to do in months. Fusco, Carter and Shaw always stopped by in the morning and then after they had finished their daily routines. Finch hadn’t left the hospital since they first got there for Reese’s surgery. Carter had tried to get him to go home and get some sleep but he wouldn’t budge. He had gotten used to sleeping in a chair, even though it was horrible on his neck and back. He was not going to leave John. Not with any chance that he might not be there when he got back. A nurse went over a variety of things with Finch and John, and made the appointment for John to come back for a check-up in a couple weeks. Fusco was there too; Finch had asked him to help him get Reese situated when they got home.

“Your chest is going to be swollen and feel tight for a while. Pain is common for the next couple weeks too. But I think you’re ready to go! Also I know you’re probably feeling a lot better than you have been, but it’s very important you let your body rest and heal. Here’s a list of things to expect and a list of foods, and things you can’t do right now.” The nurse handed a piece of paper to John who had Fusco help him into a wheelchair, hospital procedure, much to John’s disdain. “If anything goes wrong, come into the hospital or call 911 immediately. There’s a list of possible complications on the back of that paper.” The nurse shook their hands and walked out. Finch got the bag of all John’s possessions and Fusco wheeled him out.

“You know Wonder boy, last time I was in charge of where you went, you blew up my car and shot me in the back.”

“Wonderful memories Lionel.” Reese smirked back.

#

Lionel and Finch insisted on helping Reese into a chair in the living room. Finch had propped up some pillows and made it so he would be comfortable. “Okay, need anything else?” Fusco asked.

“No detective I think we should be okay. If I need something more I’ll call, thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Fusco said walking out the door. Finch walked over to Reese with a glass of water and sat it down on the end table beside him.

“Comfortable?” Finch asked

“Perfect Harold. I’m just so glad to be home, thank you.” He patted the arm of the chair inviting Harold to sit. Harold was exhausted and his back and neck were aching so he didn’t disagree.

“You need sleep Harold. I can stay out here by myself.” John lifted up his hand and set it onto Harold’s thigh.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not leaving you out here alone. What if something happened? I’d never forgive myself.”

“Fine, then call Fusco back or Carter or Shaw although I don't need a babysitter, if it will make you feel better.”

“Do I really look that bad John?” Finch replied with a smirk.

“Do I have to answer that?”  John answered with a laugh. It was the first time they had laughed in months.

“I’m fine John. Just beyond happy to have you back.” Harold pressed his lips to John’s forehead, “I knew you’d make it.” He knew John had a long recovery ahead of him, but he seemed to be out of the woods. He went to get up but John grabbed him, Harold was surprised at how much stronger he had gotten just in the past couple weeks.

“Harold…” John’s voice was raspy, “I couldn’t let you live in a world without me.”

#

“So are we jumping out and yelling surprise?” Shaw scoffed to Carter,

“Yeah Sam. Let’s jump out and scare a man who just had major surgery.” Carter replied mockingly.

Finch and Reese were at the doctors for Reese’s 2-week check-up. He looked so much better. He had almost a full head of hair again and he had gained most of his weight back after cramming in a high protein diet. He had been doing his exercises at home with Finch and his stamina was getting better every day. The stairs were still a bit of a challenge, but they were getting easier. The one thing that he hated was that he had to sleep in a chair in the living room for now leaving Harold to sleep without him because of the bed being so uncomfortable at the moment to lie down in.

Finch had planned a surprise get together for Reese at their apartment. It wasn’t much of a party, but Shaw, Fusco and Lee, Carter and Taylor, and then Zoe was there. Harold knew John would absolutely hate it at first, but it was more for everyone else than it was for John and Harold knew he would get over the initial hubub immediately. Their friends needed time to celebrate the fact that the man they all loved so much was going to be okay. At least until he threw himself in front of another bullet. Reese hadn’t lost his instincts through this ordeal because as they pulled up to the apartment, he let out a sigh...

“Harold... why is Fusco’s car parked over there.” Fusco was many things, but his clever side didn’t always shine.

“I don’t know John...” He was trying to hide his smile. “Oh fine. Will you at least act surprised?” he pleaded.

John started to laugh, “Fine, but I am not hugging anyone.”

#

“They just pulled up, they’re walking up the stairs!” Carter yelled and they all ran over to the door. Harold walked in first followed by John with a surprised expression on his face. Well the best he could manage anyway.

“Wow. You guys… I’m so surprised!” Reese yelled.

“Wow glasses you blew it didn’t you.” Fusco groaned.

“Actually detective… “Finch started with a small crease in his brow

Reese cut him off, “No one blew it, and I’m really surprised and happy to see you all.” He said as he winked at Finch.

“Well I’m assuming by the look on your faces that you got good news?” Carter asked.

“Yes, yes in fact we did. John is recovering wonderfully. I’ll let him tell you the rest…” Harold said looking to John,

John sighed, “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Fusco interrupted  “Oh for God sakes wonderboy just tell us.”

“As of right now… I’m officially cancer free.” John had a slight grin on his face. Everyone was visibly relieved, Carter ran over to him and wrapped her arms around him,

“Caref…” Finch started but stopped when Reese shook his head at him to be quiet. He stood there and wrapped his arms around her in return.

“Told you… you’re stuck with me.” Reese whispered into her ear. She tried to hide the tears but she couldn’t help it. She pulled back and started to laugh as she was wiping her eyes. Everyone stood there with smiles on their faces because they knew that for right now… John was okay.

“Well… Let’s get this party started!” Taylor laughed at the sight of his mother clearly embarrassed. Everyone sat around and talked and ate the cake that Fusco had brought. It was… nice. The normal life they all longed for and that they had all wanted, but thought it might be too late for seemed like in this moment… that it was possible. Leave it to Reese getting life threatening cancer to make them all realize that they were actually happy. Lee and Taylor were playing ping-pong on the make-shift table Finch had set up for them. Reese was watching them and walked over.

“I got dibs on the winner.” He said smiling.

“John…” Finch said.

“Relax Harold. It’s ping pong, not a marathon.”


	10. Normal Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is finished!! So glad this fic has received such good feedback because I was hesitant at first to write it! Thanks again to M_E_Lover for the beta reads!

Harold and John were relaxing on the couch later that night. Harold was nuzzled in John’s arms. He laid his head on John’s chest listening to his heart beat, realizing how close he was to losing that beautiful sound. “What are you doing Harold?” John chuckled.

“Nothing, just… I’m glad you’re here that’s all.” Harold lifted his head up and kissed John. He expected it to be just a short peck but John cupped his hands around the back of his neck and wouldn’t let him go. Harold felt John’s tongue trying gain entry to his mouth so he opened his lips eagerly to let him in. John groaned helplessly into his mouth. Harold pulled back, “John… we have to stop.”

“No we don’t.” John went to kiss Harold again but he backed away. “Harold. The doctor said it was okay.”

“I know but… it’s only been two weeks. What if we’re moving too fast and…”

“Harold. I promise I won’t die while we’re making love, although I could think of far worse ways of going.” John laughed again and gently took the back of Harold’s head to bring him to where their mouths met again. This time Harold allowed it without hesitation. He guided John to lie down on the couch carefully with their mouths still locked together. Harold pulled away only to slide off his own jacket slowly and started to unbutton John’s shirt.

“You’re sure you’re ready?” Harold sighed. John didn’t answer he just reached up and pulled Harold down on top of him and locked their mouths again. Harold slid down, kissing John’s chest and stomach until he reached his hips. He unbuckled John’s belt and slid his pants down. He could see John was clearly enjoying it when he felt his cock slide up against his chest. He dug his fingers into his boxers and pulled them down exposing his already hard leaking cock. John inhaled raggedly as Harold’s mouth enclosed around his erection. He sagged even farther down into the couch and stroked Harold’s hair as his warm soft mouth moved up and down his incredibly hard cock.

“Harold.” John gasped. “Don’t stop.” It was like he read Harold’s mind.

Harold kept going, up and down tasting and relishing the salty sweet essence of his true loves pre-cum leaking from his slit. John’s hips arched forward and he clutched at the couch cushions digging his fingers into the soft fabric… he came with a rugged shuddering moan… spilling into Harold’s mouth. Harold got up when John’s body settled down from the gentle spasming of complete and utter bliss and went to get a warm wash cloth to wash him up. Once he was done, John went to sit up to return the favor… but Harold stopped him,

“You’ve had enough fun for one night. I’m fine.” He kissed him on the cheek. "Think you can sleep in the bed tonight?" he asked. John shook his head yes almost too tired to talk. They went into the bedroom and got dressed in their pajamas. Reese was sore and Harold could tell.

“I told you we should have waited John.”

“I’m good Harold. It made me feel… real again.” He nuzzled into Harold’s chest being careful of his side. Harold put his arm around him and started to rub up and down his back again, reminding him of the first time John had gotten sick and realizing how far they had come. “Thank you Harold. For everything. I wouldn’t have gotten through this without you.” He sighed.

“Please…don’t mention it my love.”

#

John walked up the stairs into the library. They had gone back to it after Samaritan was defeated. Harold always loved it, as John had come to, so they started using it as home base again. He hadn’t been here in months. He never thought he’d miss the smell of all the old books and dusty shelves. After months of training and working out with Shaw, he was finally ready to go back to work. 

“Harold. Do we have a number?”

“Why yes John we do. Are you excited?” Harold turned around in his chair with a smile from ear to ear.

“Why would I be excited Harold?”

“It’s your first number back… don’t tell me you didn’t think I’d say something.”

“Can we just act like it’s a normal day Harold? I’m just happy to be back.” John smirked sipping his coffee.

“Of course John.” Finch turned around and started to inform John on their new number, and everything was back to normal once again…


End file.
